The MONAHANS NEWS

Weekly Newspaper and Tourism Guide for Ward County Trans Pecos, Big Bend of West Texas

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Letter from the editor

By Steve Pattersoon

I made a deal with Ward County Judge Sam Massey Tuesday
morning not to partake in our customary exchange of insults
when he spoke to the Lions Club at noon. The sad fact of the
matter was, I had run out of barbs to hurl at Sam which were
suitable for consumption by patrons of a family restaurant.
If the truth be known, we actually struck a deal to
compliment each other as a sign of good will between the
local media and our local elected officials.

I went to lunch feeling secure in the knowledge that I
would not be whipped and flayed in public and could enjoy my
meal in peace. Imagine my shock and dismay when -
immediately after his introduction - the honorable judge
verbally set upon me like the Last Days of Pompei by calling
me everything in the book but a "fine loookin' fella"!

An embarrassed silence filled the room as my fellow Lions
tried to digest this vicious character assassination which
ended only after the judge angrily barked into the
microphone, "Woof! Woof!"

Luckily, there were two attorneys present (Hoot Gibson and
Kevin Acker) who had the presence of mind to mount a quick
defense on my behalf. I saw Acker scribble furiously on a
piece of paper and hand it subtle-like to his colleague,
Gibson.

Hoot made some corrections, added some text and then
thumped the paper onto my salad plate with the following
instructions, "Read this!" I'm not sure how many hours Acker
and Gibson are going to bill me, but I'm sure it's worth
something.

I opened the paper, and began to read the words slowly;

Judge Sam Massey is widely known as Ward County's cowboy
poet

He's also known as a wise, wise man but only he seems to
know it

And while Sam thinks the local press is sometimes rather
sassy

I'm here to say, it's hard as clay to think of a nice word
that rhymes with Massey

But when giving quotes to the press, my advice here may
sound rather hollow

I assure you judge, I've heard you speak, so this advice
you ought to follow

When you speak to me, I'll hope you'll be short with words
that are sweet

'Cause you'll never know until I show which words you'll
have to eat

Well, I should not have to tell you that the Judge changed
the subject quickly.

You may think that pulling such a thing on the Judge is a
coldhearted and ruthless act by the media, but please
remember, this is the same judge who sentenced a man to
either 18 months in the county slam or reading two volumes
of Sam Massey cowboy poetry.

I think he's due to get out next March.

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