The Monahans News

Area Newspapers

Archives 98

Links to News Photos


Weekly Newspaper and Tourism Guide for Ward County Trans Pecos, Big Bend of West Texas


July 2, 1998

That's Rich

By Richard Acosta
It is Summer time and that means three things, hot weather,
snow cones and weddings.

Each year the Acosta house receives a three-inch stack of
cards that begin, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith proudly announces the
wedding of our daughter/son..."

My sister hates them because she hates wearing tacky dresses
(one time) that cost an arm and a leg. I hate them because
my aunts and uncles use them as an opportunity to play match

"Wouldn't Richard look nice with her? Wouldn't they make a
nice couple?"

So imagine my frustration when I talk to any young lady who
says, "I have my wedding planned."

Ladies, why would you have your wedding planned when you
don't even have a boyfriend? Does this mean all the guy gets
to do is sign the checks when you say yes to his misguided
marriage proposal?

I recently was talking to a good friend on the phone when
the subject of weddings arose. Of course the first words out
of her mouth were, " I have my whole wedding planned out." I
decided to find out what "have a whole wedding planed out"

Guys, here's the scoop. We have absolutely no say in the
following items: The dress, the colors, the flowers, the
church, the priest (or Rev.), the cake, the wedding shower,
or the location. On all other items the guys are allowed to
make suggestions; but, all final decisions are made by the

Is it any wonder why guys have a hard time remembering
their wedding anniversary?

I know I am a young guy and my wedding date is nowhere in
the near future. However, after some thought, I have decided
I have my whole wedding planned. First, the wedding would
take place on Superbowl Sunday. That way we can have a
Superbowl Party every year. Next, the color will be the
colors of the team playing in the Supper Bowl - Guys home,
ladies visitors. The ceremony will take place on natural
grass and the guys will wear cleats and the girls will dress
as cheerleaders.

Instead of gifts all our friends and family will pitch in
for a 62-inch TV to watch the game. We will cut the football
shaped cake at halftime.

As for the honeymoon...

Can you say Pro Football Hall of Fame?

Monahan's Well

By Jerry Curry

There are at least a score of idiots in this town and I'm
one of them. We are the idiots who agreed to take part in
the Great Beard Growing Contest of 1998 to help mark
Western Week and the Butterfield Overland Stagecoach and
Wagon Festival in Monahans July 27 through Aug. 2. The beard
racers jumped out of the starting gate on June 15.

By the third day, I knew I was not the only one
regretting my decision to enter this derby of doom.

Beards, beards

scratch, scratch,

gauntlet of pain

The finish line is the Western Week barbecue but no one will
tell me the exact time and date of the Western Week
barbecue. I am desperate here and I believe most of my
fellow idiots also would like to know. It is possible I may
make it through this ordeal but I surely would like to know
how long the aforementioned ordeal is going to continue.

I know the West Texas pioneers probably all grew beards and
what we are trying to do here is to emulate at least one of
the characteristics of those intrepid men and women who
first settled the Permian Basin.

Being extremely cynical about statements purported to be
true, I began a bearded research project into the history
of Ward County, the Trans-Pecos and Texas in general.

Here are the results of that scholarly survey. There were a
few drawings and pictures of men with beards. These men
usually were identified as recent immigrants from Arkansas
who also looked as if they needed to be run through a
dipping tank.

According to my studies, most of the men and all of the
women who pioneered Texas were clean-shaven except for a
smattering of mustaches. Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie,
according to their portraits, had no facial hair. Sam
Houston wore a mustache for a week or two. The Yellow Rose
of Texas was never bearded in her life. John Wesley Hardin
was as clean shaven as Davy Crockett and a lot meaner.

Beards, beards,

scratch, scratch,

gauntlet of pain.

By the third week of this beard-growing contest, there is
literally no relief from this thing on my face.

It does not help when the missus compares your face to SOS
pads which you already know because it is your face into
which the steel fibers are gouging.

I went off to the Texas Press Association conference in San
Antonio last week where Kelley Shannon of the Associated
Press wondered if everyone in West Texas forgets shaving in
their dotage.

There have been more than a few wildly hilarious jokes about
transplanting my new beard to the top of my head to
mitigate the glare.

I can take jokes. I do not know how much longer I can grow
the beard. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a masochist.

Beards, beards,

scratch, scratch,

gauntlet of pain.

Award dedicated to Cooper

Pearson Cooper's family owned The Monahans News for many
decades and he owned, published it and loved it until he
sold it a couple of years ago. Pearson's father was the
patriarch and he won first in general excellence at the
Texas Press Association competition 51 years ago in 1947.
This year The Monahans News did it again.

A lot has happened in the past half- century:

*More than a couple of wars;

*The rise and fall of the free dope, free love, no
responsibility Hippie generation which has given us a
president, Billy Clinton and not much else;

*The return of the two-party system to Texas. It actually is
now possible for a Republican to run and get elected to

Pearson Cooper and his family are part of Ward County
history. He helped write it and he helped make it. In his
newspaper he made friends and he made enemies which is what
newspapers are supposed to do.

So our victories this year in the Texas Press Association
competitions were built on a foundation Pearson Cooper and
his family built. We thank Pearson Cooper for that

And today we dedicate our recognition as the best in the
state to Pearson Cooper, although he no longer is associated
with The Monahans News except to tell us what we've been
doing wrong and how we can start doing it right.

Pearson, our recognition this year also belongs to you.

Freedom still works

Americans did not invent Democracy in 1776 when our
forefathers and foremothers, upset over onerous taxes and
heavy-handed big government, severed relations with the
British. The ancient Celts and Greeks probably were the
first to demand complete freedom of the people but we were
the ones who ignited Democracy in the modern world.

Freedom still works. Celebrate July 4!

Welcome, lady Demo chair

Molly Beth Malcolm of Texarkana, Tex., is the new state
chair of the Texas Democratic Party. She was elected last
week at the state Democratic convention in San Antonio's
Alamodome .

"We are the party that represents all of the people," the
new Texas chair told the assembled faithful. ". . .We will
be smarter and tougher than we've ever been before."

Malcolm made a little history with her election.

A former Republican, she is the first woman ever elected to
head Texas Democrats. She is poised to take advantage of the
fact Texas women have outvoted Texas men in recent years.
Molly Beth Malcolm is smart, tough, focused and ready to
lead her party into the November elections.

Search Entire Site:

Copyright 1998 by Ward Newspapers, Inc.
Joe Warren, Publisher
107 W. Second St., Monahans TX 79756
Phone 915-943-4313, FAX 915-943-4314

Associated Press text, photo, graphic, audio and/or video material shall not be published, broadcast, rewritten for broadcast or publication or redistributed directly or indirectly in any medium.

Copyright 1998 by Ward Newspapers Inc.